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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23308219">Dulled Shuriken</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoyeurTheNinja/pseuds/VoyeurTheNinja'>VoyeurTheNinja</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Senki Zesshou Symphogear</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Family Loss, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:02:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23308219</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoyeurTheNinja/pseuds/VoyeurTheNinja</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Red feathers ablaze,</p>
<p>the perfect mask falls apart,</p>
<p>and withholds its tears.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dulled Shuriken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Dulled Shuriken</strong>
</p>
<p>Hearing the high-pitched ringing of his alarm clock, Ogawa Shinji's eyes shot open, and within moments of seeing that it was 4:30 in the morning, his body kicked itself into gear. The blankets of his futon were folded within seconds and his pillow was placed neatly beside them. 15 minutes were spent in the bathroom, no more and no less. Not even half an hour after he had woken up, he had already put on a shirt, fastened his trousers and combed his mess of a head to an acceptable level of tidiness. His coat and tie still lying on his bedroom futon, Shinji stood at the stove of his apartment's kitchen and prepared a sufficient breakfast.</p>
<p>A peaceful silence sat in the air of the small apartment, interrupted only by the light clattering of kitchenware and the hissing of steam pouring from a kettle. Now over half an hour since the young man had woken up, Shinji sat at the small table of his apartment's living room with a bowl of rice and two eggs in hand. Quickly cracking the eggs over the hot rice, he took less than 15 minutes to finish his meal, wash the dishes and subsequently placed the kitchenware back in their respective cabinets.</p>
<p>Returning to his bedroom, Shinji now sat at his desk and began going through several documents he had fetched from the bag that hung on a nearby wall-rack. His desk lamp switched on and a pair of glasses now sitting on the bridge of his nose, he started going through the Section Two papers with a pen in hand.</p>
<p>His clock ticked 5:45 as Shinji placed the cap of his pen back on, set it aside and sorted his documents before placing them back in his work bag. Now, only a single book remained on his desk, and as he switched to a different pen that was coloured red-and-blue, a small smile of sorts appeared on his face. With a hint of vigor in his writing, he set about preparing the schedule for the two idols that he had been assigned to.</p>
<p>The scribbling of his pen was louder than before, and as his bedroom clock ticked to 6:00, Shinji's eyes suddenly widened. His pen came to an abrupt stop and the young man winced before pinching the bridge of his nose.</p>
<p>"Not again..."</p>
<p>Cancelling all that he had written in the past 15 minutes, Shinji folded up the pages that he had written on and placed his pen down for a single minute to breathe.</p>
<p>He was watching over only one idol now, he had to remind himself. The thought felt like a bladed weapon slowly being driven between the gaps of his ribs, diving ever so slowly to ensure that it inflicted the greatest amount of pain possible. By the time Shinji once again remembered that Amou Kanade was no longer of this world, he saw that 10 minutes had already passed and he bit his lip in frustration. A cold sigh escaped him, almost as if he had forgotten how to breathe for a moment.</p>
<p>
  <em>"A moment of laxity can spawn an eternity of damnation."</em>
</p>
<p>A mantra from his training rang in his mind like a teacher snapping an uncaring student back to attention, and Shinji shook his head before quickly picking up his pen again. Hastening the pace of his writing to make up for the 10 minutes that he had carelessly wasted, the bedroom clock ticked to 6:30 by the time he placed the cap of his pen back on again. Tsubasa's schedule was done and ready, though the penmanship in his writing had clearly paid the price for his speed.</p>
<p>Placing the closed book in his bag with the rest of the Section Two documents, Shinji zipped his bag shut, put on his coat and fastened his tie in front of a mirror that hung next to his wall rack. He glared at the faintest sign of black underneath his eyes, a detail that only he would ever notice, but an unwanted presence that vexed him regardless. With another cold sigh escaping him, Shinji picked up his bag and left the empty apartment on time as always.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Ogawa."</p>
<p>Hearing Commander Genjuro's firm voice address him from behind, Shinji halted in the middle of the hallway he was in and turned on his heel to face the commander. His feet together and his bag slung underneath one arm, it was now nearing the end of the day as Shinji gave a quick - if a somewhat shaky - bow. He had to rub his eyes for a moment before replying, "Yes, Commander?"</p>
<p>Looking at the younger man from head-to-toe, the commander folded his arms and gave his subordinate a concerned glance, "Are you alright? You haven't been acting like yourself recently."</p>
<p>Shinji adjusted glasses on his face, silently avoiding the commander's gaze by glancing at the blank walls of the base around him. "I assure you that I am alright, Commander Kazanari," his tone was formal as he could make it, "You need not worry-"</p>
<p>"You made several mistakes during a meeting this afternoon," the commander's words made Shinji faintly twitch, "Fujitaka says you sometimes skip lunch altogether, and Tomosato tells me that she sometimes sees you delivering food for more than one person to Tsubasa by accident," he lowered his voice and took a step closer to place a hand on Shinji's shoulder, "If you aren't feeling well, you shouldn't be afraid to speak up."</p>
<p>
  <em>"Failure is the prelude to condemnation."</em>
</p>
<p>Shinji blinked, the calm expression on his face unchanging for several seconds before he looked straight at Genjuro and gave a convincing smile, "My recent performance has been unacceptable, hasn't it? I suppose my work has just been quite taxing lately. Forgive me, Commander, I assure you that I won't repeat them tomorrow," the words came out bitter to this tongue. He couldn't remember the last time he had to apologize for failure. Or rather, he didn't <em>want</em> to remember it, "Is there any additional task that you have for me tomorrow?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Genjuro nodded, "You're taking the day off tomorrow."</p>
<p>"Understood. I shall see to it-" Shinji's eyes then widened ever so slightly despite his self-control, "I'm sorry, Commander, but I believe I may have misheard you?" he gulped as Genjuro shook his head and released his hand from Shinji's shoulder with a smile.</p>
<p>"Nope. You're taking it easy tomorrow. Everything has already been settled, so take the time to rest," he said with a light tone before emphasizing his last words clearly, "Commander's orders," and with that, Genjuro turned around to return to the bridge, the clacking of his shoes ringing in the air while Shinji silently stood still in the base's hallway.</p>
<p>Everything after that simply felt like a blurry sequence of events, regardless of how much time had actually passed. It was only after Shinji heard his stomach loudly growl did he realize that he was now sitting at the desk of his bedroom, still in his work clothes as he subconsciously went through the papers for the day after tomorrow. 8:30, read his bedroom clock as he put the cap of his pen back on and set it aside. He wanted to slump in his chair, but the mere thought of it instead straightened his back, as though expecting the act of punishment for attempting to do otherwise.</p>
<p>
  <em>"A mind without purpose wanders into the endless abyss."</em>
</p>
<p>Slowly getting out of his chair, Shinji took off his coat and tossed it into a nearby laundry basket before stepping out of his bedroom to prepare dinner. Though he felt little desire to eat, his body clearly asked otherwise.</p>
<p>Then, the bell of his front-door suddenly rang and he wondered if it was his mind playing tricks on him. Standing still in the doorway of his bedroom, he stared at the entrance of his apartment and heard the doorbell ring again. Shinji wasn't sure of whom would be paying him a visit at this kind of time, so he took a moment to remind himself of every hidden weapon in his apartment before he slowly approached his door.</p>
<p>Upon opening it, he was surprised to see his older brother, Ogawa Souji, standing at his front door with his hands folded behind his back. Wearing a simple black suit instead of the red clan garbs he typically saw him in, his older brother carried a small plastic bag in one hand while his expression remained calm and collected, his hair tidied to perfection. As expected of the head of the Ogawa clan, Shinji couldn't help but think.</p>
<p>"May I enter?"</p>
<hr/>
<p>Several minutes after he had let his older sibling inside, the two now sat at the dining table of his living room as the younger Ogawa took his dinner: a single bowl of rice, some miso soup, and a plate of mackerel. Anymore would be considered excessive, as he was always taught. Regardless, he ate with a calm expression while his older brother quietly sat opposite of him. His elbows on the table and his hands steppled, the bag that he had brought sat beside his right arm, untouched ever since he had placed it down.</p>
<p>Souji took the time to observe his younger brother's apartment, gazing at the simple furniture as well as the unremarkable design of the place. The only thing that grabbed his attention were the documents and stationary that were simply laid out on the tables, instead of sitting neatly in some sort of bag, "You're unusually disorganized," his remark received no reply from Shinji as he turned his attention back to his sibling. The silence was not unexpected to the older Ogawa, "Suteinu called me earlier. He wanted me to share these with you".</p>
<p>Still chewing on his dinner, Shinji watched as Souji opened up the plastic bag and produced two cans of beer from it. He recognized the brand as something his younger brother, Suteinu, often sold at his bar, being a brand that was typically sought after by many. Shinji simply raised a brow as his older brother placed the two cans in front of them and offered one to him. Without a word, each of them took a can and popped them open, both of them silently, and slowly, clanking their cans together before they each took a sip.</p>
<p>It tasted like a can of urine, but Shinji drank at least of a quarter of it regardless, sighing once he took it away from his lips. His older brother fared no better, placing a hand over his mouth in mild disgust of what he had just tasted. To see even the smallest signs of unrestrained displeasure from his brother was a rarity, he couldn't help but think to himself as he placed his can back on the table and finished up the remainder of his dinner.</p>
<p>"How is your condition?" Souji asked after collecting himself once more.</p>
<p>"Acceptable," Shinji's tone was formal, "Nothing to worry about."</p>
<p>"Your commander says otherwise."</p>
<p>Shinji's hands stopped for a second before he continued eating in silence. His older brother was never someone he expected to come down like this to talk to him, thus, he found himself at a lost for words to reply with. It was clear that from his brother's expression that he, too, was unsure of what to utter in this situation, aside from the usual formal topics that he asked of him whenever they met, if at all.</p>
<p>
  <em>"A reliance on others is a bridge easily targeted."</em>
</p>
<p>Tapping a gloved finger on the table, Souji took another slow sip of his beer and diverted his eyes away from his brother, "'Amou Kanade' was her name, wasn't it?"</p>
<p>Shinji set aside his tableware once he was done, and placed his hands on his thighs. Gazing down at his feet, Shinji closed his eyes and nodded.</p>
<p>"You have my sympathies," Souji's tone was still the same one he always enforced in the face of the clan, but Shinji could detect a hint of another emotion within his voice as the older Ogawa finished the rest of his beer and placed it aside. He coughed with a closed fist held over his mouth, and uttered under his breath, "A pity. I quite enjoyed her singing."</p>
<p>Without another word, Shinji picked up his tableware and stepped towards the kitchen counter behind him to give them a rinse. It was getting late, and even though he had no work tomorrow, he refused to let even a single day-off alter his sleep schedule.</p>
<p>Knowing that there was nothing else to be said, Souji got up from his chair and folded his hands behind his back, "... Shinji, Suteinu wants you to visit him tomorrow. He says that he desires to see you again after such a long time, as well as talk with you about... the incident."</p>
<p>"Understood," was all he replied, his eyes glancing back at his brother for only several seconds before he tended to his tableware.</p>
<p>With that said, he heard the door close shut on Souji's way out, and Shinji dried his hands with a towel after placing the plates back in their cupboards. Returning to his dining table, he grabbed his can again and took another bitter swig while opening up his phone. There was a text message from Suteinu, one that he had received about an hour ago and never noticed until now. The last time his younger brother had texted him was far too long ago.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Shin', you wanna take your mind off things at the Absolute Zero tomorrow? It'll be my treat, don't worry."</em>
</p>
<p>A semblance of a small returned to his face. After hesitatingly texting his reply about what time he should meet up with his brother, Shinji subsequently eased his mind off with a hot shower before lying down on his futon. He stared at the ceiling off his room, wondering just what would Tsubasa - or even Kanade - say about his recent behaviour. Hoping that he didn't bring any sense of worry to either of them, the bitter thought slowly drifted away as he closed his eyes and momentarily felt something trail down his face.</p>
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